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| I'm going to LOTD! |
| 04.30.08 (9:43 pm) [edit] |
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Dennis came home tonight with 2 tickets to Michael Flatelys' Lord of the Dance! It's tomorrow night in Albany. I've seen him before in LOTD when he was at the Times Union Center way back when, like 7 years ago. What a show!
I'm so happy about this. My mom is going to come over here to watch the kids because it's a school night or else I'd just bring them to her house.
We never get out alone and I'm almost speechless folks, which is amazing as I'm never at a loss for words! lol The last time we actually went out for a really nice evening just the 2 of us was for "Phantom of the Opera", 2 year ago at Proctors. It was so amazing Dennis really didn't want to go buy was a real sport about it as I was over the moon with the 2005 "Phantom" movie with Gerard Butler what a hottie and Emmy Rossum. Anyway I got the best seats I could 3rd row on the floor, center. We had the 2 end seats which was nice. Well let me tell you when that chandler went up in the beginning we thought we'd die it looked like it was going to plunge down on us. That was a night to remember.
Think I'll go have my nails done and then off to church as it's a Holy Day. Mom had to call to remind me! I'm off to try to get some sleep.
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| when will it get better? |
| 04.30.08 (5:21 pm) [edit] |
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My nephew called me Monday night, he's definitely staying in Boston for the Summer. He's got a job right on the BU campus/housing his current part-time job at Dunkin' Donuts and he's going to all the hospitals to see about volunteering but most have all the paid help and volunteers they need for Summer.
Too many changes for me Kayla probably going to Hamptonburgh House, Derrick always nasty and mean, Alan not even coming home. I was looking forward to him driving me around this Summer he only has his permit but really needs to get his license. Well all you can do is support his decision. He told me that he really needs to get "out of his comfort zone" and he can do that in Boston and not here at home. My sister who I love but can hardly ever understand doesn't seem too upset that Alans' not coming home. She said Kathy when they go off to college they are not yours anymore.
I'm trying to be positive here but something always keeps pulling me down. Dennis won't even talk about Hamptonburgh House reps. coming here to our house to interview us/Kayla and tell us about their program. He said if I let Kayla go to that place for a year he's gone.
I better keep the faith. It's hard sometimes. I seem to be questioning and second guessing everything and everyone lately. I feel like this is another "test" that I have to pass or something, yet there is no winner and I don't get any prize or even really feel good about any of this "mess" that I call my life. I'd better cheer up and give myself a good kick in the seat of the pants and just suck it up and move on.
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| what an experience! |
| 04.28.08 (9:26 pm) [edit] |
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OMG like my niece would say I went for a pedicure today and what an awesome experience I had. Those chairs that you sit in massage you and the whole whirlpool experience was so relaxing I thought I'd fall asleep! lol My friend recommended this spa - it's so clean and it has no salon smells you know that nasty smell of the acrylic nails. The give you anything you want to drink and tasty chocolates I had a great time!
Dennis was supposed to be home in time to watch the kids. He called me last minute and I had to run the kids over to my mom and dads house. She watched them for me.
My nephew called tonight from Boston he's in his first year at BU and he is staying in Boston for the Summer. I'm so sad about that. Alan is my oldest nephew (the first born) he and I are really close. With Kayla going to Hamptonburgh House and Derrick on PINS all these decisions I've had to make on my own, it really hurts that now Alan won't be here. It looks like he is coming home for Mothers' Day and then he's back to college. I'm so proud of him though he will be working at the BU campus offices, working for Dunkin' Donuts, band and drumline and keeping his own apartment not to mention volunteering at one of the local hospitals. He wanted Boston Childrens' but they are turning volunteers away as they have too many! He will make a wonderful doctor one day.:)
The flowers I bought yesterday got a good soaking today, rain tomorrow too. It's turned cold here in the North East. We were spoiled with 2 weeks of sun and warm temperatures. Looks like rain each day this week. Oh well the grass will look great when all is said and done.
I'm off to bed early. I have a meeting tomorrow for Derrick and I didn't sleep at all last night. I usually watch a bit of You Tube if I can't sleep and my latest movie that I can't get enough of is "North and South" wow what a movie. I love a great period drama which ends happily.
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| the last straw |
| 04.28.08 (12:31 am) [edit] |
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Well I have not written lately because things are not going well here. What's new? Kayla my oldest has been cutting again. When her therapist asked where did she get a razor from I said it's a BIC disposable one. I thought they were all thrown away but she had a few hidden in her room. The therapist was all over me like a cheap suit, Kathy you know how dangerous a razor can be for Kayla and it could be negligence if you leave them around the house!
I jumped her a*& real good! I said look Dana we do not have a pen, pencil, knife either butter knives or steak knives in my house. Kayla takes a CD and breaks one if she needs to cut. She finds things you wouldn't even think to hide. I have a locked box for all the meds. I'm trying to keep her safe but she is going to do herself harm if she wishes to. It's a sad fact but it's true. Lately Kayla has been taking coins, erasers (the small ones that go on pencils) and puts them in her mouth to choke if she can't cut!
The first week of May the people from Hamptonburgh House are supposed to come to our home to meet us and Kayla and interview her to see if she would "fit" into their program. I'm praying to God she does. It's hard to have her leave home and go away for a year but I'm wiped out and trying to do all this on my own. I have 2 other children and Derrick is going through his own hell. He's given up his music completely, gotten an INC (incomplete) on his report card for his Honors E.L.A. class. He is not doing any homework. His attitude sucks in plain English. Keely needs some attention from me but the other 2 are so demanding!
Dennis just works, all the time and when he's home he doesn't help me. Oh boy it looks like he and I will not weather this storm. This is the last straw.
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| sports for the children or the parents? |
| 04.14.08 (10:00 pm) [edit] |
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I wanted to get Keely my youngest into a sport early, she's 6 yrs. old. The tee ball was very involved and no wonder Mohonasen girls softball is apparently #1 and they intend to keep it that way. So I ask the question who wants the sport and winning more the kids or parents?
Keely brought home a form regarding Pop Warner football/cheerleading. Okay this sounds like fun, she's always dancing around and how cute is that to see the little girls doing cheers? My friend Connie calls the cheerleading coach (her daughter Gina is 6 and a friend of Keelys') to get more info. Well you could have knocked me over with a feather when Connie called to tell me what cheerleading involves!
Here's the 411 on cheer $125.00 fee (includes 1 hair tie and 1 pair of socks!)$30.00 for cheer sneakers, $10.00 for briefs and $13.00 for bodysuit. Practice starts August 1st and you must have all this by then. There will be people to show you what you need and you can buy the sneakers, etc. right there at sign-up or wing it on your own and hope for the best. Practice is 10 hours a week for the month of August and is usually Mon.-Thurs. 5:30 - 7:30 p.m. now that adds up to only 8 hours so I'm not sure where the other 2 have gone to? In Sept. they can only practice 6 hours a week due to school being in session. There are 6 games 3 home and 3 away. Now all that practice is for 6 games? Football ends in October and there is one cheer competition they participate in but are not scored. What they attend a cheerleading competition and receive no score? I can handle it if they lose, what is wrong with this picture?
I think I will just sign her up for swim, that's every Sat. for 30 minutes and it's only $45 dollars. As they advance it's for an hour and then she can even try out for swim club which is still cheaper than any of these other sports.
Really I just can not believe the amount of money and time that these sports require. My sister who's in another school district which is totally a "sports school" couldn't even believe the cheerleading requirements. She said Kathy that's not right and here in Burnt Hills it's about being a student/athlete first not the other way around. Oh yeah and you need to bring in the childs report card from June, Connie said she's only 6 why do you need it? They told her you have to be in good scholastic standing for sports.
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| new hope at NY Presbyterian |
| 04.12.08 (10:02 pm) [edit] |
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Kayla has been cutting again! I don't know where she got the razor but she cut her left arm today. That poor girl. Her meds. are obviously NOT working. I keep telling her doctor this and he keeps ignoring me! Well no more. I have a big mouth and I'm going to use it for Kayla. Her new therapist Dana is great I love her she's kind of young and full of new ideas. She gets thing done. If she says she will call you she does.
Dana called New York Presbyterian Hospital for me last week to get some more information on how and when we can get Kay in there. Let me tell you it was like pulling teeth to get information for the secretary over the phone. She kept telling Dana to visit their website for more info. that was just stupid. I found their site by doing my own research, then I called NY Pres. and they said a clinican had to refer Kayla. When Dana finally pushed for getting Kayla in the girl said there were no beds available on the adolescent unit at this time. Dana said fine I'll keep calling back to check if one comes available and then she will refer Kayla. I have to get directions but I heard it's like 4 hours from my house. I think closer to 3 if Dennis is driving, which he will have to I do not like city driving. I believe this hospital in right in New York City not outside of town.
I am going to mapquest the address and see how long it takes to get there. Well I think I'll try Yahoo maps too Mapquest seems to take the longest routes and most time to get to a location.
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| cheerleading and Spring break |
| 04.12.08 (12:43 am) [edit] |
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The tee ball is a no go. Today I got a notice in Keelys' folder about Pop Warner Football/Cheerleader try-outs. Hmm...... what kind of commitment do they ask for? The fee for Cheerleaders ages 5-15 is $125.00 (that includes one hair tie and a pair of socks!)
Now if you knew my youngest you'd know that this is probably the way to go. Being the youngest and slightly spoiled lol you can imagine my little girl thinks she's a Princess and I for one really do not have to heart to tell her otherwise. She is constantly dancing around the house and also thinks she's a ballerina. I really think I will give one of the ladies on the Cheerleading squad a call and get all the information I can.
My niece who is now in her first year of college was a cheerleader in high school. The competition was fierce but she really enjoyed it. Nicole was tall and she got in right away because she could throw the smaller girls in the air and catch them. It's become a sport. Nicole went to New York City several times for state Championships, they even won medals for small school.
My kids are off next week from school for their Spring break. Oh joy, let's see if I can come up with some fun things for them to do to occupy all their time. When I was a kid we new how to play, not so today with all the technology kids are lazy. They don't want to go outside and ride bikes or play games like we did and quite frankly my kids along with my 6 nieces and nephews always needed to be told what to do and when to do it.
Me for one would say give me back the good old days when kids were kids, carefree and full of ideas and energy. My son could sit like a zombie for hours on that computer/internet if I'd let him.
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| tee ball too stressful?! |
| 04.10.08 (9:39 pm) [edit] |
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I signed my 6 yr. old up for tee ball. Well tonight was a "practice run" so to speak. Keely has never played before. I thought it was for fun. Way to involved for me. They have practice once a week, a game during the week Tues. one week and Wed. the next and a game every Saturday.
I asked coach Jamie what does she need? He said "sneakers of course and a baseball cap" when we get there these girls all have bats, a glove, helmets (a few girls didn't have the helmets)they all brought a water bottle it wasn't hot so I didn't even think to bring one for an hour practice game of tee ball.
Anyway after carefully thinking this over I've decided that tee ball isn't for us. 3 days of comitting to this and what if Keely doesn't like it? These girls were good, they were hitting without using the tee. Keely had to use it and still could barely hit it a few feet. I thought this was stress free and NO pressure?
Looks like I'll be signing her up for swim lessons. With swimming it's every Saturday for 45 minutes, not very difficult no stress there. Besides my oldest two can swim and I think it's important for Keely to learn to swim, especially because I can't - I know I'm afraid of the water.
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| kids,meds. and madness |
| 04.10.08 (1:25 pm) [edit] |
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So I went for my yearly check-up today. My doctor is great she listens to me, I really appreciate that. She said my blood pressure was good today! woo hoo it's been high when I'm stressed out which is almost daily.
Kayla wouldn't get up to go to school again. The school try so hard with her and I do everything I can for these kids all 3 of them but they have to give a little in return. Derrick has a psyc. appt. today - YES his therapist made it. She wants him back on a mood stabilizer. Let's try this again shall we. He stopped taking them 2 years ago and has refused them ever since.
I need a part-time job. If I don't get out of here for at least a few hours a day, I think I will crack. Dennis never wanted me to work. Oh well, too bad for him Keely is in school full-time so a part-time job shouldn't hurt anyone. If the school needs me I have a cell phone!
Tonight Keely starts tee ball practice! She's so excited about it. They practice once a week, have a game one night during the week and a game on Saturday. I hope she like it. :)
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| headache frOm hell |
| 04.09.08 (9:30 pm) [edit] |
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I'm not sure what to write about tonight. I have a horrendous (sp?) headache. Tomorrow I go for my yearly check-up with my doctor. I hope my blood pressure is "normal" it was very high the last few times I'd been in for sick appts., probably because I was stressed to the max. I always imagine that I'm having symptoms of a heart attack. My doctor had me go through some tests and they were all okay. I even was an in-patient on the heart unit just as a precaution really my EKG was fine but my pressure was high then too. The doctor really just admitted me to "observe" me and make sure that all my labs were okay, they would draw blood every 4 hours. Anyway I'm taking my Xanax now and it seems to be helping me with my pounding headaches. They went away for like 2 months and then all the drama with Kayla in and out of Four Winds Hospital and then my son taking over where Kayla left off. He's saying he'd be better of dead. Here we go again...............
The kids and I just got home from Derricks' Spring Concert. They taped it and my son thinks his teacher is going to put it on You Tube. Miss K is young and hip and she picks "cool tunes" as my son would say. They are playing the music from "Pirates of the Carribean" - love that music.
I'm going to bed. My sleeping has been much better. I can actually sleep through the night again. That's good news, even without taking my Xanax before bed. I used to stay up until 2:00 am or later watching You Tube. I get all my BBC movies on there - the full movies too. That's how I watched all the Jane Austen movies before they came out on PBS "Masterpiece Theatre". Be well everyone.
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| helpless and scared |
| 04.06.08 (9:26 am) [edit] |
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OMG was I scared yesterday! I took my youngest to a bowling birthday party. Fun right I mean what can go wrong at a 6 yr. olds birthday party? Plenty.
First off I'm friendly, I speak to people where ever I go stores, bank, doctors office I like people just like my dad. I seem to have a sign posted on my head anyway because when ever I am out in public people always talk to me if I don't strike up a conversation first. Derrick my son knows this first hand as it's been happening lately every time we go shopping (which is alot!) I love to talk and I love to shop!
Well most of the parents of the kids in Keelys' class are snotty, yup just plain rude and won't speak. I've been to several of these parties so I know the drill. Well Ginas' mom Connie and I have become good friends, she is nice and very down to Earth like me.:) Keels and Gina play together alot in school and out.
Yesterday we get to the bowling alley and this little boy Nick is screaming Keelys'name in the parking lot. She's like mom that's my friend Nick. He seems to really want to show Keels that he has a "Baby Bottle Pop" have you ever seen or purchased one of these little sugar monsters? DONT! Beware they are dangerous.
Nick was bowling on Keelys' team and I've introduced myself to his mom Tina she and I are getting along fine and finally Connie shows up late. I introduce her we are laughing and talking things are fine.
About 15 minutes or so into the game Nick comes up to Tina with his hands over his mouth, walking all bent over. She's like "what's the matter baby" and he doesn't talk or put his hands down, Connie and I are watching Tina moves his hands and he kind of starts to choke. She starts slamming him on the back. Connie is like OMG what do we do? I stand right up and say "he's choking, he's choking" everyone kind of looks at me doesn't anyone know the Heimlich manuever? I don't and wish to God I did.
This guy 2 lanes over comes over after I scream and takes over. He has had first aid training. Nick is fine thankfully, he swallowed all of that damn sugar powder stuff in one gulp. He clumped up and probably dried up his throat too.
Bottom line for me is I was scared and couldn't help that poor kid. I think I'm going to call the American Red Cross tomorrow and see about enrolling in first aid training.
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| tough love |
| 04.05.08 (10:03 pm) [edit] |
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I've taken several parenting classes over the years. Just lately I'm wondering why can't I get the results that we've gone over in class or read about in books? Are these people for real or am I just a bad parent?
Things are so different today than when I was growing up and I find it very hard to parent my son the way his therapist thinks I should. Dana wants me to negotiate things with Derrick! What negotiate, my parents did not negotiate they were the parents they set rules we followed them end of story.
I flat out refuse to negotiate things with my 13 yr. old son when he is giving me nothing but attitude, swearing at me or hitting his sister. Why would I consider giving him anything when he can do whatever he likes around here and not face a punishment?
I've had to take the whole tough love approach with Derrick and it's not easy for me at all. See there's a whole story behind all that but basically I feel alot of guilt that we ignored Derrick alot when we were always so busy keeping my oldest Kayla safe. She hears voices/sees things that are not there, she's a cutter, depressed you name it. Kayla has always had one crisis after another. Derrick has paid for it and I feel horrible like I've failed him.
He is such a bright boy. He was asked to join Natl. Junior Honor Society and he's only in 7th grade. He is in 2 honors classes and I never ever help him with homework or projects. Derrick does his own work. He is a perfectionist and very OCD. His room is so neat it's almost sterile. My son loves music and plays the violin and piano. He taught himself the piano. As for the violin he's so good he made Select Orchestra (that's open to the best players in high school orchestra) he tried out and made it. Now he's given up all interest in the piano and violin. He does not even practice violin at all - I could never get him to stop playing before.
For such a bright young man he just doesn't get it that he's heading down the wrong path. His mouth and bad attitude are going to be his downfall and I have been protecting him but no more. I'm not helping him by cleaning up his messes. I don't want him to be like my brother-in-law who is 39 and always in trouble, never takes responsibilty and always gets his mommy to bail him out!
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| what shOuld I dO? |
| 04.05.08 (9:58 am) [edit] |
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Well it looks like Kaylas' "chest pain" was reflux all along. She still has to follow up with the pediatric cardiologist in 3 weeks but her EKG came back finally from last weeks hospital visit and it was okay! She started on Nexium so let's just hope that helps. I have reflux as do my younger too so it's not suprising that Kayla has it.
Now maybe I can focus a little more on my son who's been going through alot. I wanted him to join National Junior Honor Society (you have to be asked to fill out the application) he filled out the paperwork, got the advisors signatures and did NOT get mine! Well they may have to disqualify him or whatever because there are rules to follow and there was no parent signaure on his form. It upset me more than him I think. He has been very depressed, giving away his clothes, giving up practicing on his violin. I never could get him to put that thing down before.
I do not know how well he will perform his NYSSMA piece next month. His teacher moved him up to level 4 so that's huge for him. NYSSMA only goes up to leve 6 and he's only 13. He's quite talented and I'm so proud of him he's never had private lessons (too expensive) and I really want him to have the best offered to him but he seems to have lost all interest in his violin. He just wants to IM on that AOL all day long!
Kids today no longer go to each others houses, or communicate on the phone well they do talk by phone but texting is how they communicate! We have become a very disconnected society. He doesn't want to call his friends they just IM all day long.
I've tried to put parental controls on the computer in the toy room but Derrick gets around that - I'm not sure how but he does. He used to do a system restore if I had passwords, etc. I am not sure what to do next? Any ideas?
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Buggsie's World
